Fear is created not by the world around us, but in the mind, by what we think is going to happen. - Elizabeth Gawain
THE FIRST WEEK - INFORMATION AND EMOTION OVERLOAD Quite often, the first week after your breast cancer diagnosis can be filled with shock, disbelief, and possibly a sense of numbness. It is as if you're in some other place and this isn't really happening to you. Major details may become a blurr, and you may become sensitive to the minor ones. You may become angry or teary-eyed while holding onto the belief that if you had lived some other life, then you wouldn't have breast cancer. We like to call of these feelings "natural" because the word, "normal" may have you asking yourself, "What is normal anyway?" Now, you're about to discover just how much your body, mind, and spirit work together. It's natural to feel fear of the unknown as you wonder how you're going to get through each day, each hour, and at times, each minute. Your mind may jump past the choices and research of your treatment possibilities and go straight to questioning whether you'll die. And the answer to that question is "yes." Yes, you will die some day. We all will die some day. But, this is not that day. You may not feel all this breast cancer stuff is happening to you--especially if you don't physically feel it. You may rehash the scenerio over and over reviewing the moment when your doctor informed you of your diagnosis. And you may continue to do this the more you repeat this story to others. You may also be sensitive to what people say in response to your emotional news. This is the time to acknowledge that you're in a temporary place. It is a time of information overload and swinging emotions. Just keep in mind that as in life itself, this too will pass. So take a deep breath and begin thinking about your present wants and needs. THREE IMPORTANT QUESTIONS TO ASK YOUR DOCTOR: The answers to the following questions are important for you to know whether your cancer is fast growing and/or invasive cancer or slow growing and self-contained. Here are the three questions: 1) What "stage" of breast cancer do I have? 2) What "type" or "types" of breast cancer do I have? 3) Is the cancer estrogen driven (or HER2 Positive)? Once you find answers to these questions, you will be on your way to becoming your own health advocate. So don't be shy. This is your life we're talking about. This is your body. And you, not the doctors, will make the choices as to your care. You can select your medical team of professionals that practice not only medicine, but compassion as well. By doing this, you will gain more confidence to give you the power to heal. These are your choices, which you might wish were not being left up to you. To some, the more they know by asking questions and research, the less they fear. To others, the less questions they ask and the less they research, the less they fear. Just remember every person comes to breast cancer with a different set of circumstances. You are dealing with this time as best as you can. Just try not to compare yourself with others. You are you--not someone else. Listen selectively to others and know that you do have options on how you perceive and manage the situations surrounding your health. You have the right to know as much and as little as you choose. And you have the right to select who will be helpful to you and your total body. If you don't, you can refer to www.patientsrights.com Our foundation believes that "knowledge is powerful medicine." So does this site. Other ways to gain powerful medicine for yourself is to ask your doctor for copies of the report of findings from your mammograms (past and present) and pathology reports from your biopsies. These can indicate your type of cancer in greater detail. And, while you're at it, feel free to ask for any other medical records, such as blood tests, so you'll have them close at hand if needed. To be a true advocate over your health, it is helpful to keep your papers in order. A medical history notebook to hold all your requested report copies can be extremely beneficial. These documents can help you feel organized amidst the chaos and can save you time from having to order a copy of all your records at one time which can take a week or more. When visiting more than one doctor, just the waiting for the records can cause one to feel that their time is being wasted and taking longer towards creating your treatment plan. Reading your medical reports can help you become more familiar with your cancer and serves as a record for any females (or males) in your family. If you feel comfortable talking about your cancer and the cancer type, you can advocate teaching others with what it is that you know, what more that you want or need to know and how you feel about this knowledge. A sense of awareness about your health can be crucial to their health as well as as yours. The notebook will also serve you well in the future, should any new doctors need to know more about your diagnosis. It can also be helpful to jot down your immediate thoughts or before-and-after-appointment-thoughts in a journal. You'll be amazed at how handy this will be as you hop from one doctor to another. It can also be helpful while sitting in the waiting room before an appointment, especially if the wait is long. You can also see some sort of progression that, in fact, things are moving forward and have not come to an end. INSURANCE If you have medical insurance, now would be the time to review the policies and coverage. Some plans limit in miles the area in which you can travel to see a doctor. This can be important if you are seeking a surgeon who is outside the county. If you do not have medical insurance, please refer to the California Department of Health Services Every Woman Counts Website. WHAT KIND OF SUPPORT DO I NEED? First, it may be helpful to jot down a list of what you think you need in the form of support. Could it be information? Could it be alone time? Could it be attempting to find others who have already experienced breast cancer who may better understand what you are going through? Could it be a support group? If a support group, what kind would be beneficial to your health and well-being? EXPECT A CHANGE IN YOUR ACTIVITIES Your activities will now begin to change as you set numerous doctor's appointments, complete medical forms, read brochures and books, browse the internet, and hopefully write down specific questions for each doctor. Phew! That's a lot! Take another DEEP breath! TAKE TIME to grieve and schedule some time to rest. And remember, even though you did not have a choice in getting your breast cancer, you can choose the activities that will help you better cope including deciding who you want on your medical "dream team". THE MAGIC WORD, "ASK" As you begin meeting with doctors, there will be more information to take in. You will decide who you wish to share the news of your diagnosis. It is common to become tired in repeating your news to others regarding doctor's visits and any new piece of information you may find. If this happens, please know you hold more power than may be giving yourself credit. The magic word is the one word, "ask". Ask for help in whatever it is you think you need. If you have children, and need to break away, ask someone who is willing to help take them to a movie or somewhere they will enjoy so you can have some quiet time. Ask, ask, ask. You may feel uncomfortable at first in this asking for time, a ride, someone to accompany you to one or more appointments, groceries, etc., especially if you are not used to asking others for help. Write a list of all the people you feel comfortable in asking. Starting may at first be challenging, but take the first step and make it easy on yourself by going at your own pace. EXPECT SUDDEN EMOTIONS WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT... INCLUDING A WARPED SENSE OF HUMOR It is natural during this time for you to have sudden emotions, which can be triggered by songs , comments from others, and in seeing objects or reading certain words and magazines. At this time, you may also find yourself developing a wharped sense of humor only those with breast cancer can understand. If someone looks at you funny when whipping out a statement that causes you to "gaffaw" but not them, simply let the person know it is your way of coping. AVOIDING NEGATIVE RELATIONSHIPS One healthy way in dealing with unhealthy relationships, or those who choose to use constant negative behaviors, is to avoid them. If you are in a relationship that is toxic, the negative behaviors could intensify. Remind yourself that you are valued and unique, and there are people who will miraculously appear during your times of hardship who will treat you with kindness and respect. Visualize yourself gravitating towards those individuals. Also, keep in mind the source from which negative comments come and determine whether the source is a person who love's and cares for you or that you may have said something to trigger the negative comments. Anger can also be a way to cope...as long as it is not done abusively with the intension to hurt someone. This may also be a time to realize that you are not the only one experiencing your breast cancer. Others, too, may need some form of support at this time. DECISIONS, DECISIONS Doctors may present you with options that may seem complex. It may be helpful to have someone be with you during these appointments to take notes. Some doctors will even allow you to tape them so you can better understand what has been said. Simply, ask them if it is okay with them for you to record this information and respect their wishes. BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER Once you begin treatment or go into surgery, you may notice a difference in those around you. Some may give you light hugs because they think they may cause you pain by squeezing too hard. Others may take a quick glance down at your chest, then back up to your face thinking you haven't notices. Some will become closer in their relationship to you while others may pull away or remain distant. They also may feel awkward, afraid, helpless, and weak. Then, there are others who will enter your life as if to perform a specific kind deed and then leave. This can be quite a humbling experience. Being newly diagnosed is a time when you can choose to speak up or be silent. Or you can choose to be both at various times. It is a time for you to take inventory of what it is that you need from others as well as what you don't need. IS A SUPPORT GROUP RIGHT FOR YOU? One of this foundation's goals is to help you gain immediate access to the information you can use so you are not researching too much or going beyond where you are presently. Even though you may not feel ill, once again being newly diagnosed can cause emotional fatigue. Make every effort to be kind to your body by resting and choosing actions that you feel are right for you. As for support groups, know there are various kinds of support groups, just like there are cancers and types of people. Some support groups can cause a person to feel worse. Others can help a person feel enlightened, hopeful, and more upbeat than when they first showed up. If you come to a conclusion by saying, "I'm not the support group type" without even setting foot into a group, perhaps you may wish to give yourself a little more time, or perhaps you indeed not the support group type. There are also some who make excuses about the time the group meets. It either meets too early or too late or on a weeknight or on a weekend. If This can be a sign of fear or you may be filling your time up with busyness to avoid talking about your cancer. Still, you may just need more time. Or, you may wish to see a professional psychologist or tell your doctor about your avoidance. SPECIALIZED VS. NON-SPECIALIZED SUPPORT GROUPS Some support groups are "all cancer" support groups that may not focus solely on breast cancer. Keep in mind that other people attending may have more advanced cancers. Some support groups are also "religious" support groups. While some may meet at churches, inquire as to whether you will be talking about religion or praying or performing any rituals you may feel uncomfortable with. Again, asking questions is your best bet. First, ask yourself, "What are my expectations in a support group? What specific needs am I seeking to fulfill in a support group? Other questions you can ask from whomever is running the support group are: How long has this group been in existence? Can you bring a family member or friend with you? Who sponsors this group? What is the group's mission? How do they share information and education? Do the contributions or money raised for the group stay local? Or does the funding go to a national headquarters to be disseminated by a board from another state? Does the organization specialize in providing publications as a source of self-help or do they specialize in being more social? Is the support group run by a hospital? Who facilitates the support group? Does a psychologist run the support group? What is the background of the facilitator? Have they ever had breast cancer? Again, when it comes to attending a support group, it's time to take a deep breath, be courageous and attend one or two to get a sense of what they are like and whether you feel you are walking away with some healthy tools that you can use to continue on your journey with breast cancer. |
