There are times when those attending a Ribbons of Life BreastFest, art class or special event do not get to see what is happening in the background. When serving women and their families with breast cancer behind the scenes, a small group of dedicated, professional volunteers are deeply involved in person, via phone and/and or text/email communications with women who need assistance in identifying there immediate needs. Some of them reach out when they are newly diagnosed. Others while they are undergoing treatment. Some after their treatment has ended. And others whose c. has metastasized. These are conversations that are confidential and private. There are times though when we are granted permission to share a story.
One such woman was Jane. I dislike using the term “was” as with any woman who dies from b.c. or any other form of c., I carry their memories as blessings of light. They have shared so much with me. And after their passing, they become a part of who I am as I move forward with my life.
I first met Jane at Ribbons of Life’s Create 4 Life Art Studio in Ventura. It was a perfectly clear weekend day. Jane, her two other sisters, including Mary who I once worked with, Mary’s daughter, and their cousin who was visiting from Australia arrived. They chose a special day “to be” with each other while also learning the relaxing art of Zentangle. As a Certified Zentangle Teacher or CZT, it was my honor to be asked teach them. These friendly, upbeat and talkative women chatted and had laughter when they first sat down. While learning how to draw 3D patterns on a square tile of paper, they became comfortably quiet. What a day we all had. We enjoyed it so much that Bob and I joined these contagious personalities for dinner. That day turned out to be such a gift to all of us.
A few years after our Zentangle gathering, Mary, (who contributed to my recovery from two of my three bouts of b.c.) informed me that their Australian cousin whom I adored had been diagnosed with a terminal c. Her cousin had taken to the art of Zentangle immediately during her visit. Upon her return to Australia, she created a “tree of life”. She continued her art all the way to her passing.
Mary and I continued to stay in touch. Two years ago, Mary informed me that her older sister Jane had been diagnosed with b.c. While Mary lives in Ventura County. Jane lived in the Los Angeles area—too far to attend an RoL BreastFest. And with me now living in New Hampshire, Mary knew I’d still make myself available to listen to Jane whenever she was ready to reach out. At the time, Jane felt she was getting what she needed with the support of a friend and her family. She was also very science-oriented with a PhD in molecular biology.
Then last year, in April, Mary informed me that Jane’s b.c. had surprisingly metastasized. Understandably, it was quite a shock. Jane was now ready to reconnect. Giving Jane space to process and reach out when she was ready was key. I knew Jane was already pressured by juggling medical appointments, with work, caretaking, having to arrange work leave, financial worries, health insurance, thinking about her mortality and other personal situations that very from person to person.
At this point, Jane needed to feel heard and understood. She knew I got it and have put in enough years with coping with many b.c. experiences with myself. She also knew I spoke with other women and their families. Jane and I discussed what actions Jane can choose to take to manage her ups and downs, the importance of breathing and asking herself “What is it that I need right now?” and listening from within. I recommended she jot down a list of ways that help provide a sense of calm, humor and joy. Yes, one can still experience joy and humor to help us through the toughest of times. We are all born with innate gifts that can miraculously kick in when we need them most. Being aware of this can help.
In my next blog post, I will share a list that Jane compiled and emailed to her family and friends last year. We learn so much from women and what they learn about themselves, their loved ones and their b.c. Jane’s joy in life was to help others. She was the big sister in her family. But her helping extends further than that. Her list is what kept her and now keeps others thinking about what truly matters in life. For me, her love of life is in what she has left for us to ponder.
Onto Part 2…